Wednesday, February 20, 2008

absurdity or reality?

I rarely have the time or patience for the type of e-mail that is often sent from acquaintance to complete stranger, with either a humorous or "spiritual" or patriotic theme. You know the type of thing I have in mind. The endless "forwards" one sometimes finds in his inbox. It is likely that you have received them, or indeed that you are the one sending them out.

Once in a blue moon, though, I find something truly interesting. My boss gave me a copy of the following. What would happen if the worldly thinking of many of today's ecclesiastical bureaucrats were applied to the earliest Church? Here is one theory:


Jesus, Son of Joseph
Woodcrafters Capenter Shop
Nazareth, Israel 25922

Dear Sir:

Thank you for submitting the resumes of the twelve men you have picked for management positions in your new organization. All of them have taken our battery of tests; and we have not only run the results through our computer, but also arranged personal interviews for each of them with our psychologist and vocational aptitude consultant. The profiles of all tests are included and you will want to study each of them carefully.

As part of our service and for your guidance, we make some general comments, much as an auditor will include some general statements. This is given as a result of staff consultation and comes without any additional fee.

It is the staff opinion that most of your nominees are lacking in backgroubnd, education, and vocational aptitude for the type of enterprise you are undertaking. They do not have the team concept. We would recommend that you continue your search for persons of experience in managerial ability and proven capability.

Simon Peter is emotionally unstable and given to fits of temper. Andrew has absolutely no qualities of leadership. The two brothers, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, place personal interest above company loyalty. Thomas demonstrates a questioning attitude that would tend to undermine morale. We feel that it is our duty to tell you that Matthew has been black-listed by the Greater Jerusalem Better Business Burreau. James, the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus definitely have radical leanings, and they both registered a high score on the manic depressive scale.

One of the candidates, however, shows great potential. He is a man of ability and resourcefulness, meets people well, has a keen business mind, and has contact in high places. He is highly motivated, ambitious, and responsible. We recommend Judas Iscariot as your controller and right hand man. All of the other profiles are self-explanatory.

We wish you every success in your new venture.

Jordan Management Consultants

1 comment:

calov said...

That sounds so much like a certain institution that I once dealt with in northeastern Indiana. Some sort of religious academic institution. At least they claimed to be religious. Yet, they relied so heavily on psychology tests and other worldly, subjective means to control your academic career there. Of course, the ones who were making the decisions were more in need of psychiatric help than the students. Mr. Gaba, I'm still trying to figure out what you and I had done to incur the wrath of that institution.